Is CougarLoveFinder.com a Good Site To Meet MILFs and Cougars?

Cougar and MILF dating is now becoming a trend; cougars are defined as older women; they do not necessarily have to single to be able to go on dates though. There are married women signing up for online dating sites for different reasons. 

CougarLoveFinder.com is one of the more popular mature dating sites around today. One of the best advantages of using this dating site is that it offers privacy for both the older women and the younger men. It also provides a safe environment where cougars and young men can meet and connect for possible dating, casual sex or even serious relationships.

CougarLoveFinder.com is a Great Site To Meet MILFs and Cougars

Joining the Site

Free vs. Paid Membership

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Conclusion

What are the Stages of Dating?

So far the best book on dating I have read is by John Gray. It is no surprise to me since his book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” was a life changer for me.  A few years after this book was written he wrote:

This book has a lot of good points that I will cover in greater detail in other posts, but this article is about his 5 stages of dating.

1. Attraction

2. Uncertainty

3. Exclusivity

4. Intimacy

5. Engagement

Since I am still in the early stages of dating, I have mostly been involved with stages one and two, although I have experienced all the stages in my former marriage.

For me, the best part of knowing the stages was that it was nice to know that uncertainty is a normal stage of the dating process. During this stage the man and woman both evaluate whether they want to move forward into an exclusive relationship. He does not say how long this stage lasts but does stress it is important for both parties to go through all the stages at the same rate.

Interestingly for me, having met a player or serial dater, he does mention that that behavior is merely a failure of the man to go through the stages in the right order; jumping from attraction to intimacy and then lurking in uncertainty without getting to exclusivity. It made it easier for me to forgive his behavior of dating many women at the same time and picking them all apart for minor offenses.  

If he had waited to get intimate physically with these women rather than jumping right in (which is often fun and sexy…let’s face it) he would have had a better chance of finding out which of them he was willing to commit to and try out for awhile.

The author talks at length about how the budding relationship needs to go slow, not because of any morals, but because it is what works best for both men and women.  This book echoes what my second favorite dating books say “The Rules for Dating series” which I will review later.  

The Rules book focuses more on WHAT to do during the early stages of dating but not WHY to do the early stages of dating slowly.  If you are an S Myers Briggs type, who prefers facts, you may prefer The Rules, but as a N type, who prefers theories, I was more convinced by the Mars Venus book that going slow was not just some boring old fashioned idea but rather a true natural process for dating; especially for us middle aged post divorce daters who have done it all and often want to get right back there right away. Doesn’t work.  Every divorce and dating book always says “SLOW DOWN!!”.

I loved this book and can’t recommend it highly enough for anyone, even married people.

Many people struggle when it comes to writing a good dating profile, it is difficult to talk about yourself, and unless you are a complete narcissist, it should feel a little uncomfortable basically writing a sales page about yourself on a dating site!

But if you follow the tips and advice below you will find your profile fills out quickly and it isn't too difficult!

1. OKCupid Self Summary

A lot of people have trouble writing their OK cupid self summary.  I read that keeping your total profile down to 100 words is best. I agree and find that it forces you to be concise. People get tired of reading too many words in profile after profile.  How do you make a good OKCupid self summary? To start you could just make a list of the cool things that you like to do that you want to share with a partner and then write short sentences about that. Secondly you could make a list of all the unique things about you that people like and talk about that.

2. Only Important Questions

The best tip I got was to only answer OKCupid questions that are either “somewhat important” or very important” to you. This helps the computer find OKcupid summary good match. When I did this I matched up with my boyfriend within a few weeks after several years of failure. Not saying you will have the same luck, but I think it is important. Skip questions that you do not feel are important for you to find a match.

3. Limit Sex Questions

If you answer sex questions, OKCupid will keep asking you even more and more personal sex questions. If you skip the questions Limit how many you answer to just the ones that are really important to you to keep some a mystery for people to find out later.

I believe that sexual compatibility is very important, and a lot of us middle aged people have learned through the school of hard knocks what happens when you marry someone who is not sexually compatible with you. Dan Savage, a sex and relationship counselor, has been advocating for sexual compatibility to be viewed as just as important as other factors. I totally agree with this and so do most middle aged people who are dating, I have read.  You just don’t want to lay everything out there on the questions right away before you meet and know each other, especially if you are a woman.

4. Get a Great Photo

When deciding to hit on you or not, the main thing people look at is your photo. This is made more evident by recent trends to add a “Tinder-style swipe left or right with photos” feature to most dating sites.

Don’t use a photo that is too old since it forces the person who sees you to hide their anger and disappointment  when they meet you and see you look much older. I like to put the season and year that the photos were taken in the caption since many middle aged women use photos that are 10 years old.  Use 2 or 3 photos, one of face and one of body at the minimum.

 5. Update each week

Each time you update a section of your OKCupid profile, it shows up in the feed that people see when they login. It also happens when you answer new questions. Rather than pay to get attention, you can just add an exclamation point or delete an exclamation point once a week during a peak time such as Thursday evening to get more views.

6. Write to Men Who you like who like you

For young women there is no need to write men, they will write you …a lot. But older women have to do a little more chasing. If a guy likes you and you pay for A list, it is ok to write them and get the conversation started. Just don’t seem too eager.

7. Look at their answers and answer more

If you are checking out a person’s answers to see if they are a good match, you may see some questions that seem important to you that you had not seen before. Answer these to make your matches even better.

8. Not more than 100 questions

Don’t answer more than 100 questions. There probably are not 100 questions that you REALLY care about and that will just dilute the matching ability of the program. It also makes it easier to have wrong answers that turn people off from you accidentally.  Do try to answer at least 50 questions so that the program has adequate data, however.  OKCupid is poly dating friendly, so make sure to answer one way or another on your willingness to have an open relationship.

9. Wait To Answer

For women, it is good not to answer a message right away. This is hard to do in our world of instant messages with cell phones. Just try to wait an hour or two before answering the first message at least.  See my article on The Rules for more on this.

10. Don’t Over Message

Also from The Rules, I would advise not to get into long messaging conversations with men. If they haven’t asked you out after 10 exchanges, say you have to run and let them contact you again. Repeat until they set up a date.

11. Keep your profile up till committed

Also from The Rules: Don’t take your profile down until you are in a committed relationship. It took me 6 months before I got that, although I was dabbling in poly dating. Keep dating until the man mentions that he wants to be exclusive.

12. Body Type

When filling out body type , for women, put either curvy, average or thin.

That’s all my advice for OKCupid dating. Good luck on your search.

Why Do Men Like BBW? | Finding Beauty in all Women

Why do men like BBW? When it comes to dating, many will say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Not everyone likes or enjoys the same flavor of ice cream, which is why Baskin Robbins has 31 flavors. The same rings true when it comes to choosing your mate. One size does not fit all, but that doesn’t mean that one size should be considered more desirable. This fact is proven by the many men who find themselves attracted to women that do not fit the current standards of beauty. This would include women that are considered BBW.

What is a BBW?

A BBW or big, beautiful woman, is a term coined for women that are considered thick women with a cute face. The women that call themselves BBW’s exude a higher level of confidence than most women do. They embrace their large and curvy bodies which make the men want them and the women want to be like them. Size does not make a women beautiful, instead it’s rated on how she presents herself. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes just like ice cream comes in all colors and flavors. Just like a beautifully decorated cake, if you don’t like what’s in the inside, it can ruin the whole dessert.

The label BBW has been thrown around and misconstrued for quite some time. Although this term has gained popularity over the last couple of decades, this reference has been around for over thirty years. Generally women who are plus size are BBWs, although everyone seems to have a different definition.

Why do men like BBWs?

New studies show that people have a preference for sexuality based on what happened to them during their first sexual encounter. This may explain why men have a specific type. For whatever underlying reason, their are plenty of BBW admirers in the world, meaning men that love plus-size women.

Men are attracted to women with extra meat and curves for many different reasons. Some men will say it’s their personalities while others find that a bigger woman has a mature body. Guys will even tell you that the reason they prefer bigger ladies is because they see the additional weight as a sign of fertility.

Fat admirers love to see the jiggling of flesh and the softness of a round belly.

My great grandfather apparently married a BBW because it was the fashion in the late 1800s. Maybe it will come around in fashion again, although I hope with Women’s lib and body positivity, that women won’t come in fashions in the future.

BBW Admirers

Having a particular type or preference when it comes to choice in women, has nothing to do with how the public rates the standards of beauty.  Some men are not strong enough to go against the trend and are “closet fat admirers”, marrying a fashionable body typed woman but longing for what really turns them on, a BBW. This is a point that fat admirers are very vocal about. In fact, most are obsessed with the thought of being with a plus size woman.  Some people call it a “fetish” but since half of all women by definition are plus sized it can’t be a fetish since that by definition means an unusual sexual obsession and 50% is not unusual.

Despite what the media and society defines as beauty, a half of all women have curves and cushion. Just because a woman is not a size 2 does not make her less appealing to all men. It also does not mean that she is not health conscious or that she is lazy. It simply means she is built differently and has more beauty to offer. Contrary to popular belief, size is mostly genetically determined.

Men have types of all kinds

Instead of asking why do men like BBW, appreciate the fact that there are men that understand beauty comes in all forms. Men also see the bonuses of plumper chicks who do not diet. This means that these women have enough confidence and self-esteem that they do not conform to the pressure of society do be something that they are not.

The majority of fat admirers will admit this is one of the biggest pluses of being submissive to their idea of attractive. Confidence to most fat admirers equals sexy. In their eyes, a healthy and beautiful woman is seen as one that has meat on her bones and curves that lasts for days. It symbolizes that these females enjoy the finer things in life instead of wasting time on the viewpoint of society.

Most men are not looking for a reaction by dating plus size women. These men want a woman that will acknowledge them and not be self hating. This is not to say that all skinny women are self hating, since most skinny women are skinny by genetics as well.

I recommend reading Big Big Love to help you understand the world of “fat admiration” and to help you feel good about yourself if you are a BBW in this thin obsessed world.

Essential First Post-Date Checklist

There can be a mix of emotions after the first date: they were better than you had imagined or alternatively they were not as you expected or maybe a bit of both. Perhaps you haven't heard from them yet or you're unsure if you should contact them yet. Either way hopefully this checklist will be useful at this time.  If you are reading this then we hope you haven't gone and skipped our pre date advice?

Did you like them?

Can you remember them, what they looked like and they're name?

Do you have any other potential dates, that is, do you think you might be aiming a little too high or alternatively need to raise your standards?

Do you have they're phone number and/or email address?

Have you emailed, messaged, texted, phoned to say you had a nice time?

Or on the converse are you thinking how to avoid them contacting you (although maybe it's nice to be honest and tell them what you think in a nice way)?

There is some more information which is a larger and more extensive article with tips and advice for after the first date.  But you also need to make sure that you start your online dating journey to make it the best it can be making your profile the best it can be too.

Dating can be quite difficult and we hope that this checklist has been able to give a little light-hearted points-to-note to make sure sure you come across well and not do something which could put across a bad impression of yourself.